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MetroTransitcustomerfeedback wrote:

Dear Mr. Hanson,


Thank you for the comments we received from you on November 23 regarding the Northstar Line. In your remarks, you asked us to revise the schedule to accommodate riders who work later hours or attend evening events downtown.

We regret that the initial Northstar Line schedule will not meet your needs. The schedule was developed to serve the most popular work start and end times. There are no near-term plans to add or drastically shift trip times.

There are a few options available for those who need to leave downtown later than 6:15 PM: Express bus Route 852 serves the Fridley Station, and has northbound trips leaving downtown hourly until about 9:30 PM. We have established a new bus Route 889 that provides an express bus trip to Coon Rapids and Anoka Stations departing downtown at 7:15pm on a demonstration basis.

We also have the option to add extra Northstar trains for some sporting events (i.e. Twins weekday evening games), although no firm schedule for additional trains has been set. Once details for extra service have been finalized, information will be available on our website and on the Connect newsletter onboard trains and buses.

Again, thank you for your comments and please feel free to contact us again at (612) 373-3333, menu option #3, or complete a Customer Feedback form online at www.metrotransit.org if you have any further questions or concerns.

Thank you for your interest in Metro Transit.

Sincerely,
Kristin Thompson
Data Management Analyst
File #: 2009-16XXX

I'm on the bus (route 18... missed the Bee line to MOA by a few minutes) on the way to electric six typing out a journal entry on my phone, which back when I was 16 or so I would be estatic to be able to do (that kind of mobility was rare!) but now is just a irritating experience.

I hung out with David Dunlap yesterday and we mused a bit about life while walking to go get some white castle. In retrospect, that was a bad move, or a good move if you talk about the kinds of movements white castle makes you do when hidden away in a bathroom somewhere. We decided to take the train tracks back to my office for no particular reason than we can. Interestingly enough, the tracks from washington ave dont go straight to my office like I would expect, but in fact curve around a bit and cross a bridge a block or so to the south.

(some guy is playing some stupid game on his phone right now that is making loud repetative jem breaking like noises. I wish I had the nuts to say to knock it off.)

David and I were discussing some of his life issues, which are generally an interesting objective story. He discussed his issues with trying to be a father and maintain trust of his daughters mother as far as friendship is concerned, his compulsory visit to court for some complicated technicality involving his motorcycle, and just random discussion about guy stuff. Part of the discussion involved mistrust of deleted messages on facebook and gmail by Katie. He informs me that even though my keylogger idea is a good idea, they both have google phones (Android G1) and that makes that kind of thing moot.

Ive been seeing more Android phones lately, especially after being wowwed by its google voice integration (which is a right now relatively new product) and some of its pedestrian friendly features. David's android had a satalite view with gps integration giving turn by turn walking directions and tight integration to public transportation schedules. Pretty snazy.

Right now I have a Palm Centro, which is the fifth model of cellphone I have bought, and the eighth ultraportable PDA like device I have owned (excluding cheap 20 dollar digital organizers from the 90s, a game boy, and a few graphing calculators). Maybe I will get an Android soon. Maybe I will get a Delorian, a hot tub, a job in San Fransisco, who knows, but what I do know is I have all kinds of accessories and extensions of myself like my friends, my tools, my skills, my physical and positional traits, and whatever else. It is interesting to go back in time to see what my situation was at any point in history and see how things have changed.

For historical sake, right now I have a computer software job and degree, a house which is worth less than I owe on it, no car, I have a centro smartphone, I weigh 240, I have a subscription to Lifetime fitness, sprint wireless (as well as a broadband access card), I have a aspire one netbook and a custom built 2.6 ghz dual core PC running OSX 10.5.6, I speak english, I have PHP, VB.NET 2008 and Javascript fluency that I use on a day to day basis, I have a good variety of friends and only a few enemies, I have my health. I am buddhist and value above all else individual freedom, creative expression, epicurianism, and skeptisism. I have a limited wardrobe of about 8 shirts I like and 3 pairs of pants. I read fark, everything2, digg, xkcd, penny arcade, and LJ on a day by day basis. My favorite foods to repetatively get when I need a less than 500 calorie meal for cheap are a box of angel hair pasta roni, or a fresco and volcano taco from taco bell, or a subway cold cut sandwich with tripple tommato and light mayo. I have goals to go to europe, las vegas, and new york within the next year (all of which I wont acomplish). I have no romantic interests and actually am pretty comfortable with my freedom. I watch Doctor Who and True Blood religiously (when they are on). I am really into Lady Gaga right now. I play Heroes of Newerth in my spare time. I have a dog and a cat which are both only a few years old, and Im never home to see them as much as I should.

I think that more or less covers who I am.
I want to compare this to a similar list in five years. What traits do I have now I wont realize I find at all relevant or interesting until the future? Does my vocational and technical skills even matter?

I had a pretty exciting weekend in Saint Paul this last weekend, but thats for another entry. The bus is almost near my stop and I am going to go see Electric Six at first avenue. The adventure continues.

Cause I can

I played Dominion last night at the works game night. I have not played it before. I was overall unsatisfied with the game, as so much of the game depends on luck.

In the game, there are 10 randomly created actions of which each player can 'buy' an action to add to their deck. The actions generally are something along the lines of "two additional actions can be played" or "draw two more cards" or something along those lines. The hope is that your hand at the beginning of the turn which is drawn randomly from your deck gives you enough combined money cards to accomplish purchasing victory cards, as the person with the most victory cards when a significant amount of time has passed wins the game.

Essentially, with small exceptions, your hand and the actions you perform on your hand is completely independent of any other activity a player is playing. All you are doing is guessing and chancing that drawing particular cards will give you an advantage in creating a situation where you can purchase the much valued 6 point victory card (costing 8 gold).

What frustrates me with this sort of game is there is little to no actual competition with any other player where you have to be reactive to what the other player is doing. Munchkin and car racing have the same problem. The only way for you to gauge if you are winning in these sort of games is you are winning more than your friend is winning. If you are behind, well, you just have to up your game. There is no hidden tactics where you create a situation where you outsmart your opponent based on what your opponent is doing, as opposed to games that you do, like Risk, Chess, or Stratego.

The thing is I like racing games. I also like board games like Life. Perhaps the difference in a board game compared to this game is a board game has a clear path of advancement where you can gauge where you are compared to an opponent. In this game, it is difficult to rank where you are in the game, as there is no board, just a undisclosable deck for each player of cards. Or maybe the real problem is each turn is essentially left up to chance, the chance that your hand will be worthwhile and playable.

I need to try some new board games, and this isn't one I like. Maybe "Munchkin Quest" or "Settlers of Katan" will be better :)

T minus 34 days

I've been sick for the last week or so. While sick, I have had a very poor ability to get work done.

It is almost as if I have this internal canvas that I can fill with shapes and ideas and make connections between them to see what fits together an works. This canvas, or mind bubble, or whatever you can call it can be filled with a different amount and different kind of stuff depending on what time of day it is, how much sleep I got, and recently, if I am sick.

So at the beginning of the day, my mind fills it with all kinds of random ideas as I get my creative spurt, causing very easy ability to be distracted by something cool and off task, but also giving me the strength to creativly come up with better ways of solving problems. Versus at the end of the day, my mind is overall very open, and I can fit extremely complicated problems in my head and know how small actions can overall have far reaching implications.

Now, when I am sick, I loose the ability to make these kinds of decisions. My mind is filled with ideas like "oh god I am sick" and "when can I go lay down on the bed some more". I can't begin to be as useful as I usually am at solving problems, regardless of how much willpower I apply.

So what happens when I die? Where does my problem solving power come from if I do, in fact, go to heaven as most people would like to believe? It seems barbaric and extremely depressing to consider that this life is all we have. However, I often wonder what role does the soul have in life? How can the soul have any decision making power if the act of making decisions is very clearly dependent on physical health? I don't deny I have a soul, I know I exist and I am experiencing life through it (I am something real, not a computer program) but what I start to doubt is if my ability to learn and make decisions isn't something divine.

Douglas Adams, an Athiest, writes that to him evolution clearly makes sense when you consider the evolution of computer programs. He asserts computer science has showed us that it is indeed possible very complicated things can come out of very simple foundations. In the case of computers, all the computer does is take a few inputs, and add the ones and zeros together and then do it again and again and again. This simple loop of adding numbers as they come in and producing outputs is the very foundation of everything a computer does. From that, we have evolved from a scientific adding circuit to an adding machine to a statistics machine, to a typewriter to a 3d environment modeler, all kinds of artificial intelligence, super telephone (internet), and who knows where it goes from here. Just from a whole variety of simple loops where we take one or more inputs and add them together.

We see this over and over: complicated paintings are just 3 basic colors expressed in very complicated ways involving color balance, isometric depth representation, subject focus and objectively sizing important features, etc. Music is produced by a very creative use of an instrument which may simply vibrate a string at different frequencies. So why is it so hard to believe that complicated things like plants and people evolved from very basic beginnings?

It makes sense. It makes alot more since than god designing us complete with all kinds of flaws. I'd take the burden of understanding rather than the bliss of ignorance with this any day.

So what gets me is if people really are the best creature on earth, but we are still of the earth, then we are no more special than a robot. Our soul is just watching, and all decisions we make are just a result of inputs from the environment being processed by our mind. All thoughts we have are also just a result of an organ in our head too.

What this means is that free will is an illusion. A convenient and comfortable illusion, but an illusion nonetheless. We have the ability to make any decision that we want, but we only make decisions based on our impulses and our environment. Given the same situation and the same mental and physical state you are in, you will always make the same decision and have the same thoughts. We are really just robots.

That is not to say we have to believe all decisions are already made for us, on the contrary we still have to think hard about all decisions we make and still make them. The implication here is that the act of thinking hard about what to do and then doing it is just part of the human 'program.' You wouldn't make the same decision unless you thought hard about it.

So if we have a soul but it doesn't take any consideration into the decision making process, then why do we have it? Did we evolve the need to need souls for some reason? What does the soul do if it just watches what the body does?

"Oh come on, say your riddle!" says the blond girl.

"Ugh..." begrudgingly, the guy in his young 20's, just about the same age as me, musters up the strength to say the riddle he heard while laying slumped in his chair, his legs over one arm rest and his head over the other.

"What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?"

I've heard this before. The answer isn't a event. It is a thing. What thing was it? It has something to do with the words. I think outloud "It is a letter, maybe a vowel or something..." "Its an M."

Nobody caught what I said. "Well, I give up, what is it?" says the blond girl. "Its the letter M". Nobody realizes I said the answer just moments ago. They probably thought I said some odd incomplete sentence, like "Its aneme" or something that didn't make sense.

The blond girl, totally true to her character, says "Oh, I get it! I was like thinking it was like you know something that happened not a letter, he he!"

I'm bewildered nobody has heard this joke before! Even when the answer was announced, everyone looked amazed, like this is the first time they have heard of something like this.

But, this asserts my feelings on the group I am in - I am in a young adult christian faith study group I found online that meets at someone's house. In this case it is the blond girls house, and it is very very well decorated, alot better decorated than my house is, which is not at all. I took a few pictures and made some notes on the zen layout of the place to try to fix up my house a bit.

I made a few friends at the group and interjected my ideas of what I was supposed to say about the will of Jesus and what he wants us to do with our life, when in reality I am quite convinced of my Buddhist like beliefs nowadays, and sort of feel like a undercover agent in the group. But I know christianity, and I know people, and I figure that there is no reason we can't all get along and make friends. You see, christians like volunteer groups, and lots of girls are christian, and both of these things I like, so I figure what the hell, why not.

This brings me to the topic of mental or skill based superiority over my peers. At my work place, its very easy to be pessimistic and consider I am the worst at my company at doing tasks. Now, I know this is not true, but when I ask myself, ok, who is lower on the totem pole, I don't know, because everyone tries to make an image of doing much better than they actually are in order to secure their employment.

So I am at an outdoor adventures meetup.com group at Aulcopocos. Once again, I am the only person under 35 at the group. Watching two 45 year olds flirt is not something I wanted to experience. Anyway, more to the point, I ask the guy next to me what he does for a career. "Computer Programmer." "So am I!" So we compare some notes on languages we know. Theres a 55 something year old guy across from us, listening to us. Now, anyone that talks computers when there older relatives are around knows what comes next.

"What kind of computer should I buy?"

This is a valid question sure, but its not like buying a car. What kind of computer to get is much more complicated because it involves a discussion about gigabytes and gigahertz and ram and video ram and level 2 ram and all that fun stuff. But that isn't stuff for casual conversation. So, based on experience my answer is "The cheapest one you can find".

"A Dell."

The guy next to me is older, and therefore more elder than me, so I let him answer, and that was the answer he came up with. A Dell. Long considered to make subpar laptops, and never mention that a particular brand does not have any impact on how good your computer is (with the exception of Ailenware or Apple) he makes the blanket statement "Dell". I go on to describe that the best place to shop for computers is at Microcenter off of 394 and HWY 100, and he asks me if that is in fact a good place to get desktops arond here (of course it is, thats why I said it) and we soon change topics.

What I am getting at here is I am shown time and time again even though I think I am not as knowledgeable as who I consider experts in the fields around me, this is not necessarily the case. I think spending as much time as I have learning everything I can about some topics thinking I still don't know enough has at least paid off in the respect that I know more than other people who define themselves as consumers or experts in Religion and Computers. I'm not saying I know everything, in fact I was showed up on my music tastes very easily on the bus a few days ago when it became apparent I don't know any local bands, but at least I am really smart about something. I think it is a good feeling.

I had a dream last night concerning the advertisment for the television program "V". I have not seen it yet. Basically the ship arrives and when we look up the ship reads out the words on the bottom "Don't Panic" in a very H2G2 sort of way. I say how much this plot feels like Earth Final Conflict so far, and Da'an from the show of the same name says he loves that show. Anyway, the entire dream breaks down, it is shortly revealed that the ship may as well be filled with a coach bus full of college kids from a country like Belgium that just happen to be friends with some of my friends, therefore giving me vip access to their 'ship' and the dormitories. The people on the ship are very attractive.

I didn't say my dreams had to have a point.

http://www.maximumpc.com/print/8415 - awesome.

Halloween came and went this year. My costume, the old 'save the clock tower' lady from back to the future (stolen from rob_vincent), was a moderate success. People at the Anoka halloween parade thought I was actually giving out flyers on some sort of cause, and I don't think anyone understood the costume unless I explained it. However, my pumpkin (http://bit.ly/10Mebf) was a smashing success, and won the geek pumpkin contest at my work. I spent 5 hours wiring a circuit to simulate the scanner eye that is the trademark of a Cylon, and never having completed an entire circuit that did anything but turn on a lightbulb before, I felt pretty proud of myself.

Shawn F hosted a party, and our two respective friend groups mingled very well. He also had a killer awesome WOP. I have a picture of it here: http://bit.ly/3Lzfzp. I would defiantly have to chock this up to being one of the most fun days of my life, right in front of getting intoxicated (I like that word, sounds so innocent) for one of the first times after high school graduation and the senior grad party (2004), but possibly not as awesome as Defcon 15 (2007). I am glad I had the chance to drive the Hearse to the party, and driving the Hearse around on Halloween was completely worth the 10 MPG Premium only mileage that thing gets, not only for the stares but because it just feels so prestigious, like driving a luxury car. Well, it is a luxury car, just an old one that happens to usually transport corpses.

A few days ago I stayed at David Dunlaps place for the night. He lives only a few blocks from work, and I figure not sleeping at work and having people discover my snoring ass at 9 am is probably a good idea. While I was there, I took this picture: http://bit.ly/3McRaS Apparently he has a white board where he tried his best to describe to his Schrodinger style gf/ex gf/open relationship/baby momma/roommate the drama involving Jeremy and Annah. I chuckled. Goat was originally replaced with a weak inferred link between Amber and Adam, but I think he decided it was incorrect and a goat somehow made more sense.

I've been on a health binge for the last few weeks. I've been doing alot of exercising and exploring, to the point where my night doesn't feel right unless I have done some kind of exercise or activity for a few hours away from a computer. Conveniently, I usually get my exercise in by riding the bike to get from point A to point B via the bus. Unfortunately, it is getting very cold at 2 am (in the realm of 25 degrees F the last few nights) making this uncomfortable.

I tried this route Monday night: http://bit.ly/1BngJq the route calls for biking on a trail between cedar lake ave and mall of america. After going about a half mile down a wrong way (and a hill), and then taking a wrong turn at the cedar lake ave bridge, and spending 20 minutes walking around, I discover that the only way by foot or bike I am getting over cedar lake is by taking the really angry looking bridge blocked off with a bridge closed sign, a metal bar barrier, some cement barriers, a chainlink fence with signs that say bridge closed due to structural reasons, no trespassing, keep off (all covered in grafiti - http://bit.ly/6QMWs) and the first 6 or 8 feet of bridge coverings removed (just metal support beams in place). So I went across it. It was great.

As I continue biking, I realize I lost my headphones, which gave me time to think about things. I wonder what the point of those no trespassing signs was. Was it mandatory by law? Is it right? Since I have recently came to the realization I have a Libertarian viewpoint, I ask myself, what would a Libertarian say? A lib would think that the act of using the bridge has no immediate consequence to anybody but the person who is using the bridge. Therefore a lib would contest the signs. I further wonder why I even follow laws - why do I let other people decide for me what is right and wrong? Lets take small time pot dealers, clearly doing an illegal enterprise, sure, but is it immoral? Does god have an opinion on if pot should be cultivated and sold? If he does, why does he scorn marijuana as opposed to say tobacco or alcohol? Even Jesus turned water into wine. And lets say you don't believe in a god that lays down his rules onto you. Then where do your morals come from? Society? Fortune cookies? I'd think we are left with our core human morals, such as wanting to do the right thing and empathy. Makes me think that real morals and laws are being blended together, when they have no reason too.

Of course, that whole thought experiment was just me justifying crossing that bridge. Which felt great. I need to convince people to take the commuter line connected to the light rail for a day and night of bikeassholing down here when it gets warm again next spring.

I went to a philosophy meetup called "Wisdom Barrel Society" yesterday, at a place called Whole Foods in Uptown (http://bit.ly/4p4UKg). Whole foods is a organic food store in the format similar to Byerlys with slightly overpriced far superior groceries as opposed to local grocer cub foods or even cheaper garbage quality grocery store Aldi. I took bus 18 to 31st and nicollet, which put me about 2 miles away from my destination, and I biked down lake street the rest of the way. On the way, I went past hennepin ave (one of the primary streets in uptown) and found out where the Smitten Kitten was located (popular cheaper than sex world adult store) and came across a pretty neat geek geek hobby store (http://bit.ly/1H8f9u - Warhammer 40,000, Munchkin, Video game themed board games, D&D figurines, etc) where there was a bunch of nerds setting up a 40K match (http://bit.ly/3Mmchf), and a few people arguing over some crap on some website. I took a picture of a Munchkin board game that I would like for Christmas (http://bit.ly/1eQl8X) and gave the owner props for having such an ambitious and well maintained store, and for having open game night (the game store up in Anoka charged a $5 admission one night 3 years ago and that was the last time I was ever there.) I find I don't have much in common with the mainstream geek anymore. Do I even have the faintest idea of how to play Warhammer 40K? No. Do I want to? Maybe a little bit, but just as much as I want to learn how to perform manicures.

So, at the wisdom barrel thing (http://bit.ly/20QuRr), I was clearly the youngest person attending of 6 people by about 10 years or so. 2/3 of the people were unemployed and one just wanted to bitch about things. He mostly had this idea that america (who is america?) was invading other countries and causing bloodshed when we don't have any business in being in any country (bullshit, also political and pointless). But the discussion started from there.

I think what was interesting is the 6 people all clearly had different backgrounds and opinions. The leader and organizer of the group was the most objective, the woman was very progressive, the dude from texas was very practical and realistic, the old guy was extremely historical and looked into why things are the way they are, and then there was the dude that had a warped view of why things are and was generally just angry about things. I feel that half of this crew has some kind of mental disease, but then again, you get that when you deal with philosophy don't you?

The conversations boiled down to a few conclusions: Just as it takes a catastrophic event in your own life to change you, it takes a catastrophic event like 9/11 or inflated gas prices to change society. Sometimes, the catastrophic events can be manufactured, like someone getting pregnant, and sometimes you can't control it. Also, society is the way it is based on Competition.

I recorded a chunk of the discussion just for the hell of it. It isn't particularly interesting, and in retrospect I should have recorded from the beginning, but this is an idea of what we talked about:

http://www.kimtuck.com/a/wisdom%20barrel.mp3

On the way home, I narrowly missed the bus back to Anoka by a few minutes. The next bus was for Northtown, so I hung out at the stop (on the wrong side of the road) and missed that bus (jerk wouldnt stop for me to get on when my bike clearly overtook his bus). Next bus to northtown had its bikeracks full (seems like a stupid design to me, to only have two bikeracks per bus, way to encourage the use of public transportation). So I gave up and decided to take the light rail to Mall of America. Never having ridden the light rail, I can say it was a nice ride. Just wish there was alot more of them, not just the one route. Seems stupid to have a really really awesome transportation system that can only move you from downtown to the airport to the Mall of America. Good for tourists, sure, stupid for people like me that want to use a train rather than a bus to get from point to point (like you can in NY).

Alright, I am getting burned out, that is all for now. :)

Not having a car prompted me to try riding the bus to get to and from work. I never really saw it as a possibility to get from point A to point B in the metro via the bus, because, well, nobody I knew did that and the thought never occurred to me. (what am I, some kind of jobless hippie?) Minnesota has a pretty crappy public transportation to most other cities I have been in (with the exception of Dallas, which is just plain old crappy all around) and further the nearest bus stop is at least a mile from my house, and I have always been sort of lazy. But the Friday following me loosing my car, I set out determined to get home from work in Bloomington on my own, sort of as an act of defiance to prove to myself and others that I remain independent and also as a personal challenge, sort of palliating to the personality trait that makes me want to sit in front of Best buy on thanksgiving in the freezing cold for 14 hours awaiting being one of the first people in line to successfully wait to get whatever people get on thanksgiving (I haven't bought anything meaningful for going on 4 years now).

So I find the bus route and ride the bus. I was successful and very proud of myself. I quickly discover that all of the buses have bikeracks on them, and metro transit encourages people to use them, for no additional cost.

Its like a lightbulb went off in my head. I can bike to work via the bus.

People at my work have proudly biked to the office ever since I started working there. They always had these smug "I am better than you" attitudes, with cool bikes and cool helmets and stickers saying their bike gets 20 MPB (Miles per burrito). As much as I would ridicule their choice to take the bike, I wish I was that person. The trouble is home is 40 miles away, and at that point a 3 and a half hour bike ride each way to and from work daily starts to sound like a waste of time and energy, especially if something bad happens like weather or a sudden catering of tacos at work I somberly discover I will probably miss (I wish the company would cater something else than Jimmy/Papa Johns sometimes...)

So, I would take the bike to work. First day taking the bus from Anoka to Bloomington went off without incident. Same on the subsequent way back. I gleefully did this a few times, all the while listening to a small five dollar MP3 player / radio I bought off woot recently (which, paired with NPR, which I also just started listening too, has been my best friend ever.) One time, I decided I was going to push my limits, and I took a bus to Northtown (which happens to occur at a much more frequent interval than the Anoka bus) and traveled the 10 or so odd miles home from there on bike.

Some of you may think that this sounds ludicrous. After all, I could fix up "my" new (new ownership, old car) Jetta and use that to get to work. I do know how to drive a stickshift. But, despite the cold weather, I find it very rewarding to bike. On the bike, I get exercise and stamina, I get the feeling of speed, and I see my home (I wrote earlier about how the entire Minneapolis metro I consider my home) much more up close and personal than I ever have seen it by car. I get time to ponder life, listen to NPR, the ability to take a sudden turn into the woods or a parking lot to see what is there, and much more. And I still move at only about 1/4 the speed a car moves.

Not to mention the mental and social rewards. Mentally, I feel superior for commuting by bike, something most people won't consider. It is sort of that extra option most people except for the really crazy ones wont think of, like using Linux on your desktop, traveling by train on vacations (as opposed to air or by car), making pizza dough and pizza from scratch rather than ordering or warming a premade one up, or fixing a cars air suspension with duct tape (not that we would do something like that.) Socially, I end up nearly every other day with a few hours to spare in the heart of Minneapolis, free to explore Nicollet mall up and down, chat to people I have never met before (just yesterday some 18 something girls decided they needed to sing me "Say my name, say my name" while we were waiting for the bus), and I generally get some time ziping around the city free of worry on my bike. Personally, I have time to read books and type things like this during my idle time on the commute.

There was a video that was running through my head for a few weeks before this car fiasco. It is a 2 or 3 second clip of a guy jumping off of a diving board probably 100 feet in the air. For the few seconds he freefalls, he can twist any which way and he is completely immune from any kind of restriction on his movement (with the exception of the restriction of gravity, which would be a very nasty restriction if he wasn't diving into a pool of water). The bike gives me that sort of feeling, the feeling of freedom, the freedom to see the world without the restrictions of traffic lights or defined roads.

So I bike now any chance I get and it makes sense. I bought a small netbook (which has windows 7 on it now, pretty cool) and a MiFi (it makes a portable wifi access point from the sprint 3G network so I can use the internet on the bus). I got a book I picked up at Barnes and Noble to read (Douglas Adam's final unpublished works, under the title "The Salmon of Doubt"). I learned the layout of Minneapolis and browsed the Borders on Nicolet Mall (I have a blog idea brewing about the sheer amount of published text there is out there based on this visit). Minneapolis made me want to learn what was going on that I could participate in, so I joined a bunch of interest groups on meetup.com so I have something to do. Biking (and my trusty MP3 player radio) gave me a surge of energy to do some extra exercise, and as such I have spent every day for the last 7 days exercise at least 30 minutes (sometimes an hour and a half) at the gym on top of biking. I raised the desks at the cube at my work a few feet and now I work standing just so I can say I can.

I still have my Eurpoean trip to plan, want to learn ASP.Net, Actionscript, make a YMT music video, learn a second language, and maintain this exercise and diet, as well as put in mad overtime at work while my work offers it. And all of those are still in progress.

Overall, I feel much more active and connected to the community. And it is all credited to me loosing my car and having to learn to stand on my own two feet.

So good riddance, car. You need more than a car to pick up girls, and you were a crutch and a money vampire anyway. One day I'll get a Prius again when I am old and like the idea of comfy chairs better than getting out and living, but until then I will sit and dream of something more awesome, like a Delorian.

Time travel movie marathon list:

Austin Powers
Star Trek 4
Back to the Future Part 1
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
12 Monkeys
Donnie Darko

A friend of mine named Jereck recently challenged me to a philosophical discussion online where he asked me what I felt was wrong with the world. My answer was something along the lines of 2 basic concepts, firstly lack of accountability and second that nothing in the world is black and white but people can't understand things unless they feel they only have a binary choice. I then go on to blame one of the causes, or at least one of the symptoms of this on Television Entertainment turning money driven fantasy into what amounts to false memories of events, incorrect development of problem solving solutions, unrealistic expectations of the world, and in general learned behavior. I've written about the TV problem before.

Jereck mostly agreed, and proposed that we fix the problem. Jereck supposed that a strong new political party would somehow cure the problems of the world. This is preposterous, and I made every illustration to say so. There is no way you could realistically introduce another political party and make it come to any real power in todays world. I personally feel that if I am going to change anything, I am going to change the people close around me, and hope the change benefits the world in general.

Jereck then made a good point - I seem to be caught in the overall trend of humanity that nobody thinks they can make a sweeping positive impact in the world. It is what it is, you simply live in it. You are a product of the world.

On thinking about this, I feel he is right, that I have lost my faith in humanity, at least humanity as I know it. Oh sure, I see the occasional beauty in it, some sort of art made by a positive thinking individual, some amazing feat that is inspiring like the existence of a castle or a skyscraper, but I seem to have lost faith in people in general. Maybe this happens to everyone and I am just later at coming to this realization than most.

Recently in my life there has been alot of shakeups that has caused me too loose most or all faith in people's ability to be more than their impulses. I used to trust everyone I met implicitly until they proved otherwise, but now that I have let people take advantage of my trust and have it come back to me and hit me in the face so much, I just don't have any faith in humanity anymore.

First, blaming myself, I lost my car. That makes me depressed.

Also involving my life, I have had people close to me steal stuff out of my own house, a best friend vandalize some of my property because he was expressing rage for his girlfriend fooling around on him, I was left by a girl I used to respect solely on her moral character until she went back with her harmful cheating ex and basically scuttled any independent personality she had by doing so, and I've been stood up for bullcrap reasons on events I have found very important.

Taking a few steps out of my view, I see people that mean alot to me around me depressed, and as a result of being depressed doing extremely emotionally risky actions which, while technically ok, send ripple effects of pain and stress throughout the entire social network of friends. I feel powerless to help people experiencing the collateral effects, and I don't know what to do. It gets worse, because these sorts of situations are like disease, nobody wants to be around it for fear they may catch the stress and the depression. So the friends I would like around are no longer around and I am left with the stressed out and the stress causers.

I also am frustrated that so many people I know express the desire to overcome their situation and move on to better ways of living, but often cite excuses for why they can't do a particular event. They would rather they keep on keeping on with the same day to day activities they are doing. For example, I have no car, therefore I can't get a job. Well Brian doesn't have a car and he work 40 miles away from home and he seem to be doing ok using the bus. Why can't I?

I can't loose weight. I can't get a girlfriend. I can't learn French. I can't understand politics. I will never find anyone that loves me. I can't get a job. I can't find anything to do with my time. I can't overcome my hormones. I can't be blamed for something because I was intoxicated. I can't afford the GED. IT IS ALL BULLCRAP. These people (like most people) all want stuff to just land in their lap from God. Newsflash, it isn't coming. Life is ticking away one second at a time. Thats one second less things you can do in the world. You could have used that time to improve yourself, to get more skills, or do something worthwhile with your time. Plant a tree or read a book to a kid or watch a sunrise. Just make the next second count.

Ok, I am on a tangent. Lets more nationalize the problem - A great many people are only voting for and making policies based on their own limited understanding of their world, and out of fear or selfishness make opinions and spread the word, unaware that words have power, including the power to influence and harm others. I am reminded of a recent case where a jury during deliberation consulted the bible in order to determine the 'moral' path to take regarding a defendants execution. If you don't understand how grossly preposterous this is, ask me and I will explain it to you.

Point is, I see all these people who all feel that they are qualified in making opinions about situations they have done no research to become an authority on both sides of the subject. I see this the most in the context of religion.

Then there is this whole weak personality thing were people can't take any criticism. Therefore none is ever given. "You did your best", "Its the inner beauty that counts", "Its not you, its me" those are all 9 times out of 10 a lie people feed you either because they are not strong enough to tell the truth or they fear that you are not strong enough to receive it. Therefore, everyone is wandering aimlessly in the world unaware of what they are doing that works and doesn't because nobody ever gives any real feedback, or if they do you wouldn't know what was genuine and what was not.

Finally, people have lost all manners. Apologizing for mistakes is alien. Striking up a conversation with a stranger is a shocking almost offensive thing. Living in a large city like Minneapolis, you could go your entire life without making any real friends. I find it shocking that so many people I know feel there is hidden meaning to compliments enough to justify not using them unless you in fact do have an ulterior motive. Riddle me this, is it really all that bad for a person (lets say a guy) to compliment someone (lets say a girl) unsolicited? Why does it always have to mean something?

Ok, what I am getting down to here is my network of friends which used to support my personality has all but died. I am left with only a few people I trust. I find it hard to trust new people like I used too, since trust seems to have a track record of demonstrating that that trust is misplaced. I feel like my influence or presence in the world has gotten incredibly small as a result. And I need to solve this. I need to find a way to get me happy again. And that is really hard to do when by default you used to but no longer see people as by nature good.

This is not to say I am unmotivated to fix the problem and am throwing in a white flag. On the contrary, I have been spending a great deal of time researching other countries and ways of living, researching different skills and languages hoping that it will give me some kind of insight on some new way of looking at the world I am not aware of, and I have as a result of me using the bus dedicated more time to keep myself in shape, as well as visit and explore Minneapolis as to learn more about my home and meet more of the residents of the city.

This also does not mean I don't believe there are good people in the world. People have done selfless things to myself and to others before. I particularly enjoy the people I know via the internet, ironically through what most people would consider unethical online groups (I'm looking at you, PLA folks). Some of the nicest most selfless people I know have helped me on my vacations I have taken across country, and made those vacations the best experiences I have had in my life.

I just wish people in general would try to do something nice for a change, thinking of the big picture. Thinking about the future or outside their own little world bubble. Maybe they do and I just am stuck in a social blackhole where we all don't see the superior world around us. I wish I had a clearer understanding of what I am missing out on. I wish I trusted strangers again.

But maybe the only way to correctly interact in life is with paranoia.

I did not write this. I wish I did.


METRO SUICIDE, (fiction) by Lashana1 http://everything2.com/title/Metro%20Suicide#Lashana1


She stood there, reeling slightly, imperceptibly, each time the metro came by. A few people glanced once, twice, wondering why she was still there. Probably just meeting someone, they concluded. There was no one around to note how long she had stayed. No second thoughts, eyes gliding over her like everyone else. In a city so big, individuals had long lost all meaning. There is only the crowd.

Once, upon her arrival, she had looked out the window and seen the thousands of lights, the city many times the size of her home province. "How," she wondered, "could anyone ever be lonely here?" Always someone close enough to touch, always thousands and thousands of them.
But now she understood. So many potentialities, but so few actualized. Just a sea of faces, none of them looking back. Sometimes, she tried. Smiled, frowned, laughed, cried. Once or twice, someone had spared a look. But like as not, they'd left her alone on the bench. Not worth their time. Their life was too busy. She wasn't worth anyone's time, no matter what she did. A disheartening conclusion.

Her life had become a series of meaningless interactions. Queries accompanying transactions, always answered with the same "Fine, and you?" that was expected as a social nicety. She knew better than to tell the truth here. All this time, and nothing of meaning. At first, she'd been enthusiastic. Had looked for happy people in the crowd. Attempted interaction. Quickly, however, she discovered that a "hello" to a stranger would result in an uncomfortable glance. People didn't do that here. They had long ago become inured to the idea of... another person. An unplanned interaction. Saw just another faceless block with their hand out, asking for money, asking for time, asking for commitment. None of that here. A serious place.
Now, she hard learnt. She saw only the bustle, tight lipped, elbows out, rushing to make the metro. And there she stood, undecided.

Today had been a normal day. She'd gone to work, behaved unremarkably, eaten dinner by herself in the food court, and now was on her way home. But watching the first car arrive, she'd been struck by a sudden fancy: it would be so easy. One step to oblivion. No one could stop her, and there was no chance to regret. It would just be... over.
A suddenly attractive possibility. She let the train go by as she pondered, strengthened in her resolve as each minute wore on and no one even looked her way. Increasingly secure in the knowledge that no one would miss her. When was the last time she'd had a friend? Her mind veered away from the question. She stepped closer to the edge, feeling the rush as the train passed her by. Inhaling the perfume of the person next to her, brought to her nose on the sudden flow of air. Letting the crowd jostle her. But not getting onto the train.
Again and again the scene replayed itself.
She was frozen with indecision, thoughts forming only slowly through the haze in her mind. One thought hung, obscuring all others: "Why not?"

This time, she looked up when she heard the train. Stared at it and moved just a little ahead of the crowd. Waited until it was close. And then -
--

They stood, waiting, fidgeting, the crowd writhing as it inevitably did. Past rush hour, but still early enough to create a mass of people. As the other train came, loud sighs filled the air. That was twice now, that the other train had gone by. It was unfair. They wanted to go home.
Finally, the sound came from the left. Heads turned in anticipation, people shuffled forward. Relief as the train pulled in, and suddenly - screams. People reeled back, panic spreading. "Someone jumped in front of the metro!" The body was well under the train, it was too well timed. The conductor had no chance to stop. Those near the front could see blood on the window.

Only minutes later the paramedics came running down the stairs. The crowd milled, uncertain. Curiosity mixed with horror mixed with annoyance. Some people cried. Some swore as they noted the inconvenience. "Ugh, why can't they pick a less selfish way of killing themselves? Here they are thinking no one will miss them, but this way they've managed to annoy a whole city! Can't people just do a bullet to the head anymore?" The intercom blared, stating that due to a request from the paramedics the metro would be temporarily closed on the green line. People just arriving turned around, swearing, "Not another suicide! It isn't even January!"

The driver sat, in shock. There was nothing he could have done, he knew that; she had timed it perfectly. But he kept seeing the moment over and over again, how he'd caught her form from the corner of his eye, saw her step... The pieces of his life fell apart as he focused on this instant. He still had not moved when the paramedics came. They lead him away, eyes unseeing.

The crowd dispersed, settling into just those people with no alternative but to wait. The maintenance teams responded with a practiced ease that was just a bit eery. Hours later, everything was as before. The metros running. No cross, no newspaper article or radio blurb. Just another nameless suicide. Not worthy of note in a city so large, where it happened so often. Merely an inconvenience, dealt with mechanically by all but those who had been closest.

Was she right?

You know who's awesome?

Hobbes is awesome. (Wing Commander 2, 1991)

This looks absolutely cool:

http://hackaday.com/2009/10/17/radio-cabinet-media-center/

When someone walks up to you and say "Who are you" what is your answer? Is it your name? Is it your profession? Is it enough to say "I am a mother of four" or "I am the son of Laurie and Robert" or "I am a honers student at Andover High School" or "I am a computer programmer" or "I am catholic"?

Perhaps it depends on the situation. Clearly what kind of answer you give is themed by the group you are in. At a barcamp demo night, one might say "I am a PHP software engineer who wrote an online matchmaking site that 30,000 people use." At a political rally, one might say "I am a Ron Paul supporter." At the hospital, you might say "I have a horrible problem where this bullet lodged itself in me." At an extended family gathering, "I graduated school and have a job and a girlfriend I am getting along really well with." At church, "I am a sinner and I beg forgiveness." At work, "I am a hardworking developer who gets interesting tasks done fast."

I don't think anyone actually cares who you are totally, for the most part, just what you can bring to the situation at hand. It is almost as if you are required to interact with society by eliminating facets of yourself for whatever situation is at hand. People only want to perceive the projection of yourself that best engages the situation you are in, and further people do not acknowledge other aspects of yourself. In fact, there was a scientific study I read once that showed that men watching women engaging in pornographic or sexual acts had the regions of their mind most active which is usually used for tools, such as chainsaws and hammers. The study goes to conclude that men see women in pornography as simple objects which can be used and interacted with rather than full people with thoughts, aspirations, and dreams. The theory here is in the context of sexual conquest, most men see prospects predominantly with their sexual side and choose to ignore the rest of it.

For example, coworkers are simply coworkers to me. I rarely see coworkers as anything else than they bring to the table in a work environment. Lunch discussions usually involve some sort of work which was done, some work that will be performed, or some kind of tool to enhance work. Rarely do my coworkers talk about their personal lives. Then, when I go and interact with my coworkers at their home (for example, I helped drop off some party tables at a nearby coworkers house yesterday), I realize things like this guy who I thought was a simple nerd who just knew too much about Microsoft in fact has a family, kids, a wife expecting him to do things, and a kitchen and yard that he is proud of. But I don't see these things when I see him at work, I see him as a org chart with a phone number, a set of skills, and an assessment of performance and computability to collaborate on projects. He is not a person.

So, is there exceptions to this rule? Maybe we reveal every facet of ourself to certain people? I would imagine it takes a very, very large ego to do that fully. I'd like to think my family knows every facet of me, but the reality is the majority of my late childhood and until recently my adult life as well, I lied to my parents about everything that I was. I revealed myself to be the straight edge successful son who could do no wrong. Never mind the fact that in reality I was partying with my friends since 18, I was getting laid with girls whenever I got the chance, and I wasted most of my time just parked in front of Warcraft III (which, by the way, I recently calculated that I have spent a solid 3 months of my life at 24 hours a day playing thusfar at least). They saw the plain me. And even if I revealed every facet of myself, I am sure they wouldn't care or want to see aspects of myself that only apply in a professional context, such as skill with PHP development, even if they possessed the language and concepts to have a discussion on it.

Someone should know who you are. The best bet I can think of should be your significant other or spouse. The funny thing is in reality most of a persons close friends understand a person better than their significant other does. Your friends forgive your shortcomings, so you find yourself comfortable in revealing your shortcomings or differences. For example, I feel completely comfortable describing that I am sort of a nerd to my friends that aren't. They don't care.

Case in point, a person I respect is Bisexual, and their significant other has no idea. You would think that this would be a facet of yourself that you would want to reveal to your significant other, but to the significant other, you're not an entire person, you're just another filtered view of a person which is a subset of the parts of you which your S-O approves of, and the S-O rejects the waste. You are the boyfriend or girlfriend that they wanted, which is not the same thing as another friend. You have standards to uphold to, and as long as there is standards there is one person overlooking and ignoring shortcomings of those standards.

They say "you can't be that way, I won't allow it" as if the S-O can change who you are through the relationship. Sometimes while growing up people do change into something new, but your past is always there and is always a part of who you are. The only way people really truly change is some kind of divine intervention, usually involved with a birth or a death, or some kind of destroying of everything that used to be a persons life.

This is all just kind of an observation of who people are and what they do. Most couples I know understand that each individual has suppressed parts of who they are for the sake of the happiness which comes from a relationship, because they feel thats what they have to do, and believe that the other person will not understand (they probably won't). For example, a man I know has spent good chunks of his life watching pornography as entertainment while his wife has no idea. While technically dishonest to his wife, the wife is doing a larger disservice by not attempting to understand the nearly animal traits and the different way the husbands brain is wired from his wifes.

Of course, this all is moot because of the larger problem that most woman are entirely insecure in themselves and will do anything to protect their very fragile self esteem, even at the expense of people which they love. The reality, they realize, is that the world is very cruel and uncaring, and they need something to grab onto which seems to be an anchor onto a stable and happy life even if the anchor is just a projection from another person. This is sort of the same reason people anchor onto theistic religion - people seem to need to have a sort of lighthouse for life.

Regardless, your S-O has aspirations and aspects of herself he/she doesn't want to share, and she is uncomfortable sharing them with you. You have aspects you are uncomfortable discussing with your S-O. For the sake of you and your S-O, you should recognize that you are not the exact same, and this is a good thing because you can help eachother grow. Even in the more selfish animalistic aspects of ourselves, like sex. And outside of a relationship, it wouldn't hurt to recognize that although its easy to think of people you interact with as flat characters in the story of your life, that people are in fact much more complicated and each person has a whole world of experiences and dreams below the surface, behind the mask.

Oh, by the way, I decided I am Buddhist. Modern Zen Buddhist beliefs fit what I believe and where I find spiritual fulfillment almost to a T.

It snowed today. This is the first time since 1991 I remember seeing snow in October.

My life for the past two weeks or so have been just doing projects. Tyler has lost his license for speeding, so I drive him to work in the morning (even on saturday and sunday) and basically spend a good majority of my time at the office. On the weekends it is quiet and serene here and I can get alot of things done.

As I mentioned a while ago, I resurrected my work on a CMS I started earlier this year previously called "Katy". The CMS has been renamed to "Nickel", because while both Katy and Nickel are bitches, Nickel is the cute cuddily 4 legged kind of Bitch that you can talk about in conversation and nobody things you said anything profane.

In the mean time, I've been diligintly working on other stuff to try to keep busy. I have these projects going:
- LJPDF (finished today, http://ljpdf.com)
- Learn C# (using Mono) (.NET web programming - I need an idea for a .NET project)
- Learn ActionScript (Flash programming - I think I want to make a kyle sound board)
- Nickel_CMS (nickel.kimtuck.com) (in progress)
- Finish learning French
- A diet with a goal of droping 40

In addition to that, all the fun busywork involved with living like fixing up the car and the house and stuff.

Anyway, time to go bring tyler back home and get drunk. Did I mention it snowed outside today?

I finished a project! I made a free version of LJBook. Its called LJPDF. http://www.ljpdf.com